The Zoe Diaries: This is why I can't have nice things.

This week, Zoe has absolutely amazed me. Not because of how much more alert she is, even though I am really enjoying that. Not because of the sweet sound she makes as she is falling asleep on my chest, although, it does melt my heart every time I hear it. Zoe has amazed me this week by the amount of clothing (hers and mine), blankets, pillows and bed that she has tried to ruin. How is it that this tiny 7 lb 10 oz. child is capable of making this unbelievable amount of bodily fluids? If I went to the bathroom as often as she did, this baby weight would be gone and everyone would accuse me of an eating disorder. Over a 4 day period I have done 6 loads of laundry. FULL loads. I cannot imagine what my water bill is going to be. On Monday, she had a blow out so bad that it got all over her (I mean legs, back, feet all covered,) obviously all over her pj's, all over her swaddle and to make it even more interesting, all over her bed. If that wasn't enough, after i stripped her down to her birthday suit in an effort to clean her up, she pooped directly on me while in my arms and as I laid her on her changing table she peed all over it. Really Zoe? Covering yourself and bed wasn't enough, you needed to make sure that I needed to change clothes and add your changing pad to my load of laundry? This is how my week started.

The week continued with plenty of spit up missing the burp cloth and instead making it onto my shoulder, peeing every time I try to change her (thank goodness she isn't a boy, otherwise I'm sure she would have aimed it right for my face), and regardless of how many bibs I try to use, she still ends up always getting spit up all over her clothes. I used to judge moms who walked around with their kids who had dried up snot under their nose or a wet ring around their collar. Why don't you clean your kid up? Well, now I know... they probably did. 5 minutes ago. And here they are, already a hot mess.

The best came yesterday. My little diva needed not one, not two, but 6 wardrobe changes throughout the day. 6! I had her laying on my lap on a pillow while she slept away when suddenly I felt something warm and wet. She was peeing through her diaper and clothes all over my lap and all over the pillow. I cleaned her up and myself, then laid her on another pillow on the floor to do a little tummy time while I got the second load of laundry for the day ready. I come back to find that she has spit up all over the pillow. It's been almost an hour since her last meal! She had a good burp after and there was no reason for this. There goes another pillow into the wash. In total, for one day, Zoe managed to ruin 3 burp cloths, 6 outfits, 2 pillows, 1 swaddle, mommy's shirt and pants, 4 changing table pads and 8 cloth diapers. This is why parents don't buy nice things anymore. My Pottery Barn couch has been thrown up on several times and it won't be the last, and now the daily attire that I live in are stretchy pants and oversized ugly tee shirts. Sexy Momma!

(Side note - I have been trying out the 'G Diapers' which are supposed to be a hybrid of cloth and disposable diapers. The inside liner is supposed to be flushable so that you can keep using the outside cloth portion over and over throughout the day and just change the environmentally friendly pads. They don't work for crap. They clogged the toilet when I tried to flush it and Zoe manages to ruin the cloth portion as well as the disposable liner every time she has a bowel movement. Sorry Mother Earth and all you crunchy moms out there, I'm going with the wasteful Pampers from now on.)

Here I was thinking that this month was actually going to be good for us financially. Sure we need to buy diapers, but think of how much money I am saving because we don't go out in public, I don't want to buy any clothes until I am back down to my pre-pregnancy size, and I rarely drive. So there has to be some cost savings there right? Nope - apparently everything I used to spend on a nice meal out is now going towards extra water and electricity bills from always having the dish washer and washing machine running throughout the day. This is why God made babies so ridiculously cute. If all babies looked like Benjamin Button we might not put up with this. But when Zoe gets milk drunk and passes out on my chest smelling like that intoxicating sweet baby smell and making those soft cooing sounds, I could care less that I haven't washed my hair in a week and my favorite concert tee shirt is covered in throw up. She makes it worth it. I love that little monster.

Now some photos of the face I am obsessed with.