This is why I can't have nice things.

This week, Zoe has absolutely amazed me.  Not because of how much more alert she is, even though I am really enjoying that.  Not because of the sweet sound she makes as she is falling asleep on my chest, although, it does melt my heart every time I hear it.  Zoe has amazed me this week by the amount of clothing (hers and mine), blankets, pillows and bed that she has tried to ruin.  How is it that this tiny 7 lb 10 oz. child is capable of making this unbelievable amount of bodily fluids?  If I went to the bathroom as often as she did, this baby weight would be gone and everyone would accuse me of an eating disorder.  Over a 4 day period I have done 6 loads of laundry.  FULL loads.  I cannot imagine what my water bill is going to be.  On Monday, she had a blow out so bad that it got all over her (I mean legs, back, feet all covered,) obviously all over her pj's, all over her swaddle and to make it even more interesting, all over her bed.  If that wasn't enough, after i stripped her down to her birthday suit in an effort to clean her up, she pooped directly on me while in my arms and as I laid her on her changing table she peed all over it. Really Zoe?  Covering yourself and bed wasn't enough, you needed to make sure that I needed to change clothes and add your changing pad to my load of laundry?  This is how my week started.

The week continued with plenty of spit up missing the burp cloth and instead making it onto my shoulder, peeing every time I try to change her (thank goodness she isn't a boy, otherwise I'm sure she would have aimed it right for my face), and regardless of how many bibs I try to use, she still ends up always getting spit up all over her clothes.  I used to judge moms who walked around with their kids who had dried up snot under their nose or a wet ring around their collar.  Why don't you clean your kid up?  Well, now I know... they probably did. 5 minutes ago.  And here they are, already a hot mess.

The best came yesterday.  My little diva needed not one, not two, but 6 wardrobe changes throughout the day.  6!  I had her laying on my lap on a pillow while she slept away when suddenly I felt something warm and wet.  She was peeing through her diaper and clothes all over my lap and all over the pillow.  I cleaned her up and myself, then laid her on another pillow on the floor to do a little tummy time while I got the second load of laundry for the day ready.  I come back to find that she has spit up all over the pillow.  It's been almost an hour since her last meal!  She had a good burp after and there was no reason for this.  There goes another pillow into the wash.  In total, for one day, Zoe managed to ruin 3 burp cloths, 6 outfits, 2 pillows, 1 swaddle, mommy's shirt and pants, 4 changing table pads and 8 cloth diapers.  This is why parents don't buy nice things anymore.  My Pottery Barn couch has been thrown up on several times and it won't be the last, and now the daily attire that I live in are stretchy pants and oversized ugly tee shirts.  Sexy Momma!

(Side note - I have been trying out the 'G Diapers' which are supposed to be a hybrid of cloth and disposable diapers.  The inside liner is supposed to be flushable so that you can keep using the outside cloth portion over and over throughout the day and just change the environmentally friendly pads.  They don't work for crap.  They clogged the toilet when I tried to flush it and Zoe manages to ruin the cloth portion as well as the disposable liner every time she has a bowel movement.  Sorry Mother Earth and all you crunchy moms out there, I'm going with the wasteful Pampers from now on.)

Here I was thinking that this month was actually going to be good for us financially.  Sure we need to buy diapers, but think of how much money I am saving because we don't go out in public, I don't want to buy any clothes until I am back down to my pre-pregnancy size, and I rarely drive.  So there has to be some cost savings there right?  Nope - apparently everything I used to spend on a nice meal out is now going towards extra water and electricity bills from always having the dish washer and washing machine running throughout the day.  This is why God made babies so ridiculously cute.  If all babies looked like Benjamin Button we might not put up with this.  But when Zoe gets milk drunk and passes out on my chest smelling like that intoxicating sweet baby smell and making those soft cooing sounds, I could care less that I haven't washed my hair in a week and my favorite concert tee shirt is covered in throw up.  She makes it worth it.  I love that little monster.

Now some photos of the face I am obsessed with.

St. Patty's Day was celebrated with USF Green!

I don't trust that smile...

This was outfit #4 of 6 in one day.

Lunch Fail

I would like to start by apologizing to all my friends who had kids before me.  Every time you showed up to something late, I secretly judged you.  I didn't get it.  Now I get it.  Today I experienced an epic fail at lunch.  First off, for those of you who do not have kids, getting ready for anything is a challenge. It previously took me 30 minutes to get ready to go anywhere, an hour if I was getting fancy and washing my hair.  Now it takes 3 hours.  3 hours to go out in public between nursing, burping, changing, showering, nursing again, etc. etc. etc.  Today was no different.

I actually felt like I was doing well.  I woke up early to shower and get ready so I wouldn't have to be rushing before lunch.  I am getting ready to walk out the door so I put Zoe down on her activity mat while I go to grab her diaper bag and load up the car.  I am not even gone 2 minutes when I go to pick up Zoe to find a special surprise.  Somehow she had managed to throw up and get it all over her hair.  Her head was matted down with white spit up everywhere.  How is this even possible?  She can't even lift her head up, so how did she throw up and then rub her head all in it?  I didn't have time to wonder about such questions because I was already running late.  Like any good mom, I did not feel like stripping off all of her clothes to give her a proper bath, so I stuck her head under the sink faucet, gave it a quick shampooing and toweled it off while heading towards the car.

I get to my destination without any trace of our episode on Zoe.  Her hair looked nice and fluffy and she was fast asleep in the car seat.  Maybe lunch won't be so bad.  I was meeting my old co-workers at a trendy restaurant in St. Pete.  This was not a kid friendly restaurant.  I wasn't worried about it because my little side kick is young enough to not cause a scene.  She doesn't typically cry or get fussy unless she is hungry and I know her cues so I can stop it before it gets bad.  I can still be one of the 'ladies who lunch' and eat my $15 salad in peace, baby or no baby.  Or so I thought...

We all ordered our lunch and enjoyed pleasant conversation while Zoe peacefully slept.  Then our food arrived.  I have been looking forward to this meal.  I pick up my sandwich to take my first bite when it happened.  Zoe decided it was her turn to eat.  I whipped up a bottle and fed her, staring at my uneaten meal while everyone else blissfully enjoyed their food.  When she was finished with her delicious meal of 100% organic hormone free breast milk, I burped her and laid her back down so I could get back to my meal.  I take another bite and look over to my perfect baby girl because she was coughing.  All of a sudden, she has milk coming out of everywhere.  She was coughing it up through her mouth while it was simultaneously pouring through her nose.  This has NEVER happened before.  I grab her burp cloth and wipe her face and throw her over my shoulder to try burping her again.  I am patting her back when I notice there is a stain on the back of her shirt.  A big yellow stain.  So I lifted up her shirt to see the cause and there it was.  Her entire back was covered in shit.  She had pooped through her diaper.  Awesome.

I quickly covered my shit and milk covered child in her swaddle and took her to the restroom to clean her up.  As I mentioned before, this was not a kid friendly restaurant.  So this means the restroom did not cater to moms... at all.  There wasn't a changing table, let alone even counter space near the sink for me to prop her up on.  So I did what I had to do.  I went into the handicap stall, plopped down Indian style on the bathroom floor and whipped out my plastic portable changing pad.  I sat on a public bathroom floor with my newborn cleaning her entire body because the poop made its way in every nook of her cute little body, changed her diaper and put on a fresh outfit.

I walked out and rejoined my group who were all finished with their meals, had left overs in to go boxes and had gotten and paid their checks.  And there was my food, barely touched, still waiting on me.  I put my clean girl back in her carrier and scarfed down my food before I left.  I left that restaurant, not fully satisfied since I didn't get to really enjoy my meal and with a little less dignity.  My saving grace is that Zoe is really cute so people light up when they see her.  But I had a realization.  My life will never be the same.  If I want to go out in public to eat, I will now need to go to kid friendly establishments or will need to find a babysitter.  Does this mean I have to trade my duck confit salad served over red oak leaf lettuce with a house made grainy mustard dressing for boneless buffalo wings served with Kraft Ranch at Chilis?  Or do I need to be banished to eat all my meals at home until Zoe is 15 and old enough to be left alone at home?  I don't want to be 'that girl' at the restaurant that everyone stares at and is secretly judging in their own heads thinking
'why would she bring her baby here?'  While I don't know what I will be doing yet, what I do know is while I am typing this, she is curled up on my chest making a sweet sound of contentment as she sleeps and it just makes me melt.  I will take 100 blow outs and embarrassing moments for these moments that make it all worth it.

New Mom, New Adventures

Let me preface this by saying that becoming a mom has already been the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  I actually enjoyed child birth and will never forget the feeling I had when I saw my sweet girl for the first time.  The love I felt at that moment for this person who I was meeting for the first time, and more so the love that I felt for Logan then was more intense than anything I have ever felt before.  With that being said, this isn't easy.  And from what I hear, it continues to get harder, not easier.  It makes sense, right now anywhere I put her down, she stays there.  She can't walk, talk back and sleeps more than she is awake.  Yet, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I am only 3 weeks in and have already learned a lot.  So based on my limited experience, here is what I would say to pregnant women who have not had their first baby yet:

1.  Take your 'birth plan' and throw it away.  Things don't go the way you plan and you need to go with the flow.  I absolutely did not want to be induced and thought I would experience the majority of contractions at home.  Thanks to this little girl making my water break 5 weeks early, I didn't have a choice.  I did the whole thing in the hospital and was required to have platocin.  I could look back and be upset because child birth didn't go as I planned, or I could be grateful for my healthy girl and that we got through it without any complications.

2.  Never judge any mothers for the choices they make.  I can't even count how many times I have seen a mom out in public with their kids and I judged them in my head for how they are parenting their children.  'How could she let them run around the store like that?'  'Why is that kid barefoot?'  'Just get that baby to stop crying already.  You are ruining my meal.'  Now I know, they are all just doing the best that they can.  Now instead of judging them, I want to just hug them and tell them that they are a great mom and are just doing what they can.

3.  Being a stay at home mom really is the hardest job ever.  I have been at home full time with Zoe for only 3 weeks and am already looking forward to going back to work.  Not because I don't love this sweet time with her and I'm not cherishing maternity leave... it is just hard work.  You are around a baby who does not talk to you all day without any adult interaction.  Then when my husband comes home to talk about our days, all I have to contribute is something I saw on the news or how many poops she had.  I need adult interactions and deadlines and people looking for my opinion on things.  And I also need to miss her.  I think that when I get back to working and I come home from a long day, I won't want to do anything else except for changing her diapers, feeding her and spending as much quality time with her as possible.

4.  You are going to do things you never thought you would.  I had a lot of grand plans during my pregnancy.  I was going to exclusively breast feed for at least 6 months, absolutely no pacifiers, and she would sleep in her crib after the first week.  Well, I am doing breast milk and supplementing formula, I LOVE pacifiers and she still isn't in her crib.

So now I am just going to take it one day at a time, making dozens of mistakes and considering it a victory every night that I put her to bed safely and everyone made it through the day alive.  And of course, enjoying this sweet sweet face.